Because Andy Said So

Me: Hey, Chapter 2! You seem happy. Chapter 2: Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good. Very Doctor Who. Me: Doctor Who? Chapter 2: Yeah. Like I'm still called Chapter 2, and I have a few things in common with the chapter I used to be, but I'm an all new Chapter 2 who's craving fish sticks and custard. Me: I see. So what you're saying is you feel like you used to be David Tennant, but now you're Matt Smith? Chapter 2: Not exactly. People argue about which one of those was better with a lot of people siding with Tennant, whereas I'm obviously better than my last incarnation. But also sort of, yeah. Me: Well, I'm glad you like the new you. I do too. Do you have any concerns? Chapter 2: I can't seem to find my fez. Me: I'm sure it's around here somewhere. I'll let you know if I see it. I need to go work with Chapter 3 now. The current Chapter 3 is alright, but there needs to be a few scenes between what happens in it and the ending of you,...

Me: Chapter 1! Do you like the changes?  Chapter 1: I don't know... Me: Well, let's look at the scenes... Chapter 1: The first one is missing. Me: That wasn't really a scene. It was supplimental material that lacked suffecient oomph for an opening and didn't say anything we couldn't establish stronger with fewer words later. Chapter 1: I guess... I don't recognize what you're calling Scene 1 at all. Me: It's new. Chapter 1: You said this was a revision, not a rewrite? Me: It is! But not that scene. This scene is punchier, follows one of the main charecters and not his sister (what was up with that?), and clocks in with fewer words. Chapter 1: Good? I suppose... Scene 2 seems familiar, but not? Me: Scene 2 has the same synopsis as the old one. But I changed a detail that altered the entire tone, so it was easier to rewrite from scratch. Chapter 1: I guess that makes sense. What happened with Scene 3, though? It looks like you cut half of it on...

Me: I think we're done for now, Chapter 1! 1: Yeah, I think so. The stuff you came back to add today was good, I felt. You changed a little more than I was expecting yesterday, but it's cool. 2: I have a question though. Me: It's not really time for our briefing, Chapter 2. 2: Yeah, I know. But I'm really confused about something. Me: Okay. What is it? 2: I thought you were REVISING me. But you appear to be completely rewriting me? So far I contain five and half thousand words, none of which were in the original manuscript. Me: Well... Okay, that's fair. I pretty much am rewriting your content. The things I wanted to tweak changed the scenes we did today enough it felt easier to do that than not. 2: Uh huh. And the next scene is going to be the same, isn't it? Me: It is. 2: So in what way is this project a revision and not Yet Another Rewrite? Me: I'm going to keep more of most scenes. It's just that your scenes do a lot of introducing and ex...

Me: Hey, Acts! How are you feeling. Act III: Tired. Act II: Bloated. Act I: Incomplete. Me: Okay. Those are all reasonable.  Me: III, you'll have some time to rest before we get around to even plotting your revisions.   Me: II, I already have a list of things to trim from you.   Me: And Act I, I have SO many notes about you. A lot of things to flesh out, but also some stuff to cut. I think you'll feel better after the makeover. Act I: Should I be nervous? Me: No, you should be excited! Act I: And my chapters? Me: Uh... Welllllll... They're in for a lot of change. There's going to be merging and cutting and new scenes. And you're getting two chapters from Act II that I realized should have been considered Act I from the get-go. Act II: Um. What? Me: Yeah, so remember you felt bloated? I actually agree with that assessment. There's a lot of trimming in store for you and very little expansion. Although I also mismarked your ending and you get the start ...

Chapter Four walks up to the bar and sits down with a weary sigh. They ask the bartender for something high in alcohol and vast in volume. “Well, friends,” they say to the other patrons after accepting a rather large glass of amber liquid, “looks like she’s coming for me now. I knew it was just a matter of time, but I guess I thought it would take longer.” Two gives their friend a sympathetic look. “That sucks, cuz.” “Really?” Three responds to Two with vodka-scented acid dripping from their words. “What do you know about it? She kept most of you. Just renamed you.” With a shrug, Two says, “It’s called empathy,” before turning back to the hockey game on the nearby screen. They take a sip of their beer and mutter something about how they've lost any sense of who they are thanks to the author, thank you very much. “Know what she did to me?” Three asks, ignoring Two's mutters. “She told me she was going to keep one of my plot points. Made me think at least a little part of me woul...

Me: Hey, Chapter Three. How are you doing? Chapter Three: (nervous chuckle) Little worried, actually. Me: So, you talked to Chapter 1, huh? Well, I wish I could tell you that you shouldn't be worried, but that would be dishonest... The good news is that I am going to keep one of your plot points. Chapter Three (tearing up): One of them? I hit five! Me: It was six. But the thing is, we only need one of them. The others are too repetitive, talk down to the reader by spelling out things that should be inferable, or simply don't need covering. Chapter Three: (stunned silence) Me: But don't feel bad. We're going to bring in parts of Chapters four and five for you to cover. (On the other side of a doorway, Chapters four and five regard each other in horror.)  

Me: Chapter Two? Everything alright? Chapter Two: Yeah, I guess. I mean, I feel pretty gutted. And confused. Like all of a sudden I'm not sure who I am? Me: I think that's a perfectly normal way for you to feel, Chapter Two. I took some of your concepts and rewrote them into Chapter One. And then I took a few and pasted them into the New Chapter Two. So it makes sense that you'd be dealing with a little bit of confusion in regards to your identity. Chapter Two: Um... Okay? I don't understand any of that. Can I go lay down? Me: Yes, Chapter Two. Get a little bit of rest and hopefully you'll feel better before the next round of revisions. Chapter Two: The next..? You know what, I can't deal with that. I'm going home early. Me: Yeah, that's fair.

Me: Hey, New Chapter One! Do you have a minute. New Chapter One: I guess... (approaches with trepidation) Me: So let's discuss the new opening passages! What do you think about them? New Chapter One: I mean, I like them? Me: They made me cry!  New Chapter One: Oh. I'm sor- Me: No, don't apologize. That's a good thing. I think you're going to do a MUCH better job of connecting with readers than your predecessors! New Chapter One: What? Really? Me: Yes, really! I just wanted to tell you that you're doing a great job! Now get out there and kick some more ass!

Me: Hello, Chapter One. Thank you for coming. Have a seat. Chapter One: Um. Me: So I'm looking over your achievements, Chapter One. I wonder how you feel about them in relation to the book as a whole. Chapter One: I honestly don't know why I'm here. Me: It is such a relief to hear you say that! I was thinking your content would be better presented in summary form in what is now Chapter Two, but which will now become the new Chapter One. Chapter One: What? No, I meant I don't know why I'm in your office! Me: Well, that is unfortunate, Chapter One.