Because Andy Said So

Me: I think we're done for now, Chapter 1! 1: Yeah, I think so. The stuff you came back to add today was good, I felt. You changed a little more than I was expecting yesterday, but it's cool. 2: I have a question though. Me: It's not really time for our briefing, Chapter 2. 2: Yeah, I know. But I'm really confused about something. Me: Okay. What is it? 2: I thought you were REVISING me. But you appear to be completely rewriting me? So far I contain five and half thousand words, none of which were in the original manuscript. Me: Well... Okay, that's fair. I pretty much am rewriting your content. The things I wanted to tweak changed the scenes we did today enough it felt easier to do that than not. 2: Uh huh. And the next scene is going to be the same, isn't it? Me: It is. 2: So in what way is this project a revision and not Yet Another Rewrite? Me: I'm going to keep more of most scenes. It's just that your scenes do a lot of introducing and ex...

Me: Ending... Oh... I like you so very much. I may even love you. Ending: Oh, good. I was hoping you would. I was designed to be happy in the hopes that would make other people happy. Me: Mission accomplished. Now you'll have to excuse me while I collapse. I wrote close to 9,000 words today and my brain is mush.

Me: So, 28 and 29, you both concluded today. And you both totally rocked! 28: And which of us did you like better? Me: Um... I feel that's a unfair question. 28: Is it though? 29: I mean, maybe? Cause, like, 28, there was a lot of jealousy boiling up in us, but at the end of it all, we are part of a POLYAMOROUS romance. Like, one of our core messages is about how you don't need to pick ONE love to be all obsessive about. 28: Yeah, sure. Polyamory is great. I just want to know which one of us she loves more. Me: That's not really how all of this works, 28. 28: Okay. But I end on a more compelling cliff hanger. 29: And I contain a freaking -spoiler redacted-! What's more awesome than a -spoiler redacted-? Besides, no one actually LIKES cliffhangers. Me: Look, I just wanted to say you BOTH did great and I'm proud of you. Now scurry along. I have a dishwasher to empty. Me (closing door): Good grief. At least there's only two more chapters to go.

24: I am the new Chapter 24! I can't believe she wanted all this to happen in Chapter 28. Glad she popped back to add me! 24: 2/3rds of you weren't supposed to exist at all. 24: OMG. Change your name! You're 25 now. And you had unscheduled stuff too. (24 is now 25.) 25: Fine. 26: Hey, 25! I just talked to the writer. She says we have a lot of scenes that kinda establish the same things and so we need to decide what to cut and see if we can't merge into one chapter. 25: Of course she does. What does the writer have against me? 27: I don't think she has anything against you, 25. 25: You would take her side. I heard her gushing about your content. Wait until she decides those arcs need to go a completely different way and she's chopping you to bits. 23: Why do you have to be so negative, 25? It's not that she doesn't like your content. She's just worried about her word count being high. 25: Whatever, syncopant. 28: Could you all PLEASE stop ...

Me: Chapter 23... First, wow. You don't believe in pulling punches, do you? 23: Could have been worse. There were definitely more hurtful ways that scene at the bar could have gone. Me: True. Thank you for your restraint. While drama is fun and all, I appreciate you not allowing the characters to forget they have hearts and brains, not just a talent for theatrics. 23: So you're happy with me? Me: For the most part, yes. But, have you seen your numbers? 23: You're referencing my word count? Me: Yeah. So, you're over 6k.Which makes you our longest chapter by about a thousand words. 23: Are you going to split me in two? Or cut some of me? Because of both of those seem like they'd hurt. Me: Not to be glib, but if creating a novel doesn't hurt at least a little, you're probably doing it wrong. 23: I wish I'd been born a short story.

Chapter 22: I'm awesome, aren't I? I mean, that was basicially perfect drama right there. Although it would have been better if you'd let me keep that stuff you cut and rewrote in the second scene. Me: You are aware that you're in the last act, yes? Because the stuff you're referring to, which you were trying to add even though it wasn't outlined, would mean there's no way the story would be wrapped up in the six chapters following you. 22: That sounds more like a problem with Chapters 23-28 than with me. Me: Not really, no. 22: I don't know what you're complaining about. You deleted the seven hundred words you thought were causing an issue and added seven hundred other words to replace them. Me: That is true. 22: Also, weren't you just telling The Outline that the stuff you were putting in 23 was getting the axe? So that frees up an entire chapter. And my detour would have only taken two chapters, tops. So it really wouldn't have...

Me: Hey, Chapter 21! What's wrong? 21: I feel like a failure because I wasn't mean enough. 19 says I need to start myself all over. Me: Chapter 19 is sadistic. You nurtured a lot of doubts and fears. That's better than just making everyone miserable. It means the characters haven't given up like they might have if you didn't also give them hope, but they are seeing not achieving their happy ending as a serious possibility. 21: You think so? Me: Absolutely. You did everything the outline asked you to and ended the act with a solid lead-in to the next one. Act II: Hold on! Sorry to interupt, but did you just say I'm done? Me: For now. I already have revision notes. But we're moving on to Act III now. Act II: Oh. Yeah, I guess I did finish everything on the boards for me. Huh. What do I do now? Me: I don't know. Go sit in the hot tub or something. That's what I'm about to do.

Act II: Um... Andy? It's been a while without feedback again. Me: Oh, Yeah. Been kind of a weird... however long it's been. Bring in Chapters 16-20 and we can chat. 16: We already talked. You called me mean. Me: Riiiiiight... You can go, then. 17, any concerns? 17: Not really. Me: Alright. Well, I loved the way the scene with Yuri's prickly boss went. I liked her. And good job showing how awful Vil's Grandmother is. Her, I hate. Chapter 18? 18: I'm guess you're going to say that I was mean to Vil. Me: I probably would have if I hadn't seen 19 yet. 19 is down right cruel to poor guy. 19: I agree with 16 about you trying to coddle characters. Me: I thought you might. 20: Yeah, they're all kind of mad at me. They were complaining I was downright nice, and saying that like it's a bad thing to be. Me: I think you were a really good level of nice. The whole book can't be bad things all time. 20: That's what I told them! Me: If nothing e...

Me: Chapter 16, what do you have against Yuri? 16: I don't have anything against Yuri. I just don't want to coddle him. He might be your favorite character, but- Me: Hold on! I don't have a favorite character! That would be like having a favorite child! 16: No one's buying that. You do. It's Yuri. Move on. Me: Fine. He's my favorite. Is that why you're being so mean to him? 16: He needs to suffer for the plot. You know this. Me: I mean, a little bit of suffering, sure... 16: It's not like I killed his pets. Hmmm... Could we- Me: No. 16: Fine. The bunny dragon thingies can live. Can I go now? I need to tell 17 something.

Act II: Um... You doing alright, Andy? Me: Yeah. A little under medicated with the Adderall shortage, but hanging in there. Why do you ask? Act II: Well, you haven't checked in with me in a while. And several chapters say you didn't do exit interviews. Me: Oh! Right! (Checks notes) Me: 9, You have no content. We'll get to you in revisions. 10: Huh? I don't exist? Me: Not you, sorry. I meant the new Chapter 9. You're 10 now. 10: Okay? Me: 11, You took longer than I thought you would. That shouldn't have taken a whole chapter, but I guess it did. 11: Sorry? Me: It's alright. You're pretty solid. Now, 12... Well, that ending was certainly ominous. Well played. 12: Thanks. I was trying. Me: 13, your first scene is SO creepy! I love it. And your ending! Powerful stuff, 13. 13: Creepy is exactly what I was going for! Me: 14, nice fallout from 13. And that pizza... Sounds truly awful. Nicely done. 14: Trying to make pizza sound gross was a challenge...

Me: Chapter 9! That ending! OMG! I feel sick! Chapter 9: Um... Sorry? Me: NO! In a good way! That was a punch in the gut, but I loved it! Chapter 9: Oh. Are you sure that's healthy? I could try to be nicer. I probably should do that... Me: Don't you DARE!

Me: Hey, Act II! How are you feeling? Act II: Dunno. Kinda like my outline is less like an outline and more like of a bunch of notes? Like, you know? Me: I mean, that's sort of what an outline is, really. Act II: Yeah, but like... I dunno. I think I'd like more notes? Cause like now they're like really vague? And like you're already adding stuff? And, like, I'd like to know what's coming. Me: Yeah, okay, that's fair. Tell you what, tomorrow we'll sit down and have a talk about your goals. Does that sound good? Act II: Dunno. I guess, like, sure, we can try that.

Me: Act I, 19831 words. That's almost exactly 20k! Act I: Is it bad that I'm under? Me: No. You're great. Act I: But there are those things in the outline that I didn't get around to doing. And things my chapters inserted without permission. Me: You worry too much. I like the additions. And the other things will either get cut or be part of Act II. There's a reason I didn't outline it before you were complete. Act I: So you don't want me to yell at Chapter 6 for you? She totally went off on a tangent. Me: It was going to happen anyway. It just happens sooner now. I think that'll actually work better in terms of reader engagement. And her ending was amazing, even if I'm a bit biased. Act I: Okay. So I'll just bugger off then? Me: Yeah. But don't go too far. I'll be calling you up again come revision time. Binge some shows or something. You deserve some you time.

Me: Hi, Chapter 5! How are you feeling? Chapter 5: Shrug. Me: Did you just say, "Shrug?" rather than actually shrugging? Chapter 5: Shrug. Me: Okay... So Chapter 4 thought you might be upset at taking some of her content. Chapter 5: She's so drama. I don't care. As I see it, all you want from me is one scene because she did the rest of the work. Why would it upset me to do less work? Me: So we're good? Chapter 5: Sure. Can I go now? Want me to tell Chapter 6 she's up? Me: Yeah, great. Thanks.

Me: So, Chapter 4... You seem a bit dramatic. Chapter 4: Me personally or my content? Me: Both? I've noticed your bickering with Chapter 3. Chapter 4: We'll, it's just really unfair that SHE got to have all that extra content but you're going to be mad at me being nearly 6k. I would have been less if SHE had stuck to the plan rather than leaving me to catch us up to speed. Me: I'm not mad at you. Chapter 4: You aren't? Me: No. I am going give half your content to Chapter 5, because you do contain too much. But I'm not mad at you. You explored more than expected, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Chapter 4: Oh. Alright then. Although... Have you told Chapter 5? Me: Not yet. Ch4: Then you haven't seen drama yet.

(Image is the personification of my novel. It has a Bitmoji avatar now. Why wouldn't it?) Me: Hey, Chapter 3! I notice you didn't follow the outline after the first section. The next two scenes are completely different from what we'd agreed on. Chapter 3: What you dictated, you mean. But your ideas sucked. What I actually contain is way better. Me: I don't appreciate your attitude. Chapter 3: But am I wrong? Me: (sulking) No... #writing

Me: So, Chapter 2, I see you adhered to the first 2/3rds of the outline, then decided the rest could be cut. Chapter 2: Yep. Me: But the last section was where something actually happens. The first two bits are both summarized as people thinking about stuff. Chapter 2: And waiting! And also traveling. Traveling is definitely action, if that's what you're getting at. Me: I guess... But are you sure you're engaging enough? Chapter 2: I DO end in screaming. Me: I'm not sure that will save you in the rewrites.

Me: 4011 words! Way to go! Chapter 1: So you're happy with me? Me: Yes! Very! Even though about 1k of your words were taken from a previous draft. Ch1: Oh, good! ...Wait... Previous draft? Am I not your first Chapter 1? Me: F, no. You're not even the first Chapter 1 of this particular book. Ch1: Oh. Um... I'm not really sure how I feel about that, to be honest. Me: I'm sure you'll be my LAST Chapter 1. Ch1: I can live with that. I smile awkwardly and hope Chapter 1 doesn't know I'm lying.